Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
