Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
