All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
