Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
