Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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