When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Never joke about your clitoris.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
