i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
