So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
