I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
