that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
