hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
