I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
