Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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