How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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