Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
