guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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