we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
