at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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