so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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