last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
