Will you blow on my dice?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
