I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
