Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

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(210): View more from Texas

she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"

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(701): View more from North Dakota

entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.

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(410): View more from Maryland

just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?

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(410): View more from Maryland

Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka

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