i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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