party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
