Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
