I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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