...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
