pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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