I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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