She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just cut my nipple shaving
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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