Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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