So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
