Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
