her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
