So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
