I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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