On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
FUCK WHALES
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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