Non-Jews are for practice
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
