its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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