Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
