If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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