bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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