Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
