based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
where are my eyebrows?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
