So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
