I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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