happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
