I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
