it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
