we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
