I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize