In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
this is an emotional support booty call
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
