i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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