I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
