ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
