Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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