Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had sex on a roof
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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