So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
