I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
