i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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