And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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