I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize