i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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