Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
