My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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