Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
