I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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