Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
